Wear Out, Don’t Rust Out

Written By: Brad Pedersen

The image you see is the last photo I have with my Uncle Neil. It is a selfie taken at the top of a mountain bluff, just prior to starting our descent down one of my favorite trails. Little did I know that this picture would be his departing gift to me; a sacred memory on what would turn out to be his final ride in life.

My uncle Neil was on an impromptu trip from Australia. The night before, we were having dinner together with some other family members. During that time he mentioned how much he missed being with us. He talked about the long distance between us, and it was his wish to find a way for him and his family to spend more time in Canada. It was his desire for his kids to have a deeper connection with their Canadian family. We also discussed some exciting plans for our weekend together which included some fun activities including: e-foiling, surfing and mountain biking.

Mountain biking is one of my favorite activities. Much of my love for the mountains and my outdoor pursuits, was massively influenced by my Uncle Neil. He was a skier, hiker, biker, slalom skier, windsurfer and climber and some of my favorite memories were of us doing many of these activities together. We were 15 years apart in age, however the gap seemed insignificant as we shared so many common interests. In many ways I considered him to be a big brother.

Uncle Neil was playful and young at heart. He loved to tease and joke around. Whenever we were reunited after time apart, he greeted me with: “Hey Big Bad Brad” followed by a bear hug, a smile and a mischievous twinkle in his eye. He had an uncanny way with words that made you feel heard, appreciated and loved. He always offered encouragement, which was often timely and would help push me to excel in my endeavors.

My uncle Neil was one of my hero's, someone that me and my closest friends idolized. Why? He was cool; he was a rebel; he had spiked hair; he listened to great music; he was a pilot, he engaged in intellectually stimulating conversations and he was an incredibly talented athlete. As a kid, all I knew was that when I grew up, I wanted to be like him. His way of living helped inspire my personal motto that I want to die young…. but to do so as late as possible.

His influences and the many amazing memories that we shared, only helped stoke my excitement for our time together on his most recent visit which began with that fateful dinner where we decided to start off the weekend with a bike ride.

As we peddled up from the parking lot, we were having an amazing time. It was a hot and brilliant day that eventually had us arriving at the perfect place to snap a photo together. We were hot and sweaty but we were in good spirits with lots of laughing and banter as we finished our ascent and started down the trail. Uncle Neil was an experienced rider and was navigating the trails well. Near the very end of the trail however, he rode down a wooden ramp, lost his balance and fell.

It was not a hard fall and initially we did not have any major concerns other than getting him to the hospital to check out a wrist injury that he was complaining about. However there was more going on than what we could comprehend and suddenly we realized the gravity of the situation and we called for 911 support. It was my worst nightmare and seemed surreal that such an epic day had transitioned to this very dark moment. I was both confused and heartbroken in the wake of the events. This led to one of the hardest days of my life; making the call to our family in Australia to give them the somber news.

When my aunt arrived in Canada a few days later, I learned that my uncle Neil had been diagnosed with cancer and had been undergoing treatment. She further explained that the medication he had been on was harsh and that likely his system had been compromised. She also let me know that my uncle was an adventurer at heart and he was determined not to end up sick and bedridden. He had made it very clear to her that he did not want to spend his final days dying in a hospital room.

Teddy Roosevelt famously stated "Let's run the risk of wearing out, rather than rusting out." This statement is both a warning and a commission. We are to avoid the human tendency to drift through life not realizing our true potential. Instead we should live our lives in a daring and courageous way that in the process we discover all the possibilities within us. Mostly driven by fear and a lack of confidence, the reality is that the vast majority of people choose to play it safe. In life they are playing not to lose and as a result will go to their graves with their best still undiscovered.

It is sad that we are the only species that can be less than our best. Trees will grow as full as possible, eagles will soar to the highest peaks and whales will navigate the entirety of the ocean. However in our world of excess where food and shelter are ever abundant, humans can learn to play small and to just get by. To become the best and brightest versions of ourselves, we need to fight the gravity of mediocrity. We must choose to push outside our comfort zones, and decide to play full out.

My Uncle Neil chose to play to win and he lived this way until the very end. When faced with his own mortality and at the mercy of a life threatening disease, instead of playing it safe he decided to continue playing full out.

I have been grief stricken by the tragedy of his loss, however as I have been given time to reflect I have landed in a place of gratitude. This is for three reasons:

First, we were doing something we both loved and I had the distinct and sacred privilege of sharing with a hero of mine, in his final adventure of his life.

Second, because the place where he passed was beautiful and tranquil. Instead of a sterile hospital ward we were in a beautiful mountain meadow, bathed in warm sunshine with a cool breeze under a canopy of tall pine trees.

Third, with his passing, he provided the way for our family to be reunited.  Within days of his death we were given the gift of time; an incredible two weeks with my aunt and cousins, making memories together as we celebrated his life.

I want you to look at the picture again; this time more closely and tell me what you see? They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Beyond the expression on our faces you can see in my uncle Neil’s eyes an expression of pure joy. My uncle loved the outdoors but more importantly he loved people. This picture was a moment that I will always cherish but more importantly I am forever grateful for the gift of reconnection with his family.

The memories are fresh and I can still feel the sting of his loss but as I continue to reflect, I find myself moving from a place of grief to gratitude.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”  -Mahatma Gandhi

Brad Pedersen

Vijay Krishnan

Andre Oliveira