Living like Every Day is Your Birthday: Lessons from a near-death experience
Last week, we explored how true fulfillment is found in the pursuit of the “4 C’s” — Connections, Challenges, Creativity, and Charity. We contrasted these with what most people chase on the hedonic treadmill: the "4 P's" of Power, Prestige, Possessions, and Pleasure, which always leave us wanting more. If you want to catch up, you can read more here.
This week, I want to dive deeper into what it means to live within the 4 C’s, focusing on embracing challenges. For this issue, I’ve invited a guest whose story and experiences are so profound that I believe they best capture the soulful fulfillment that comes from overcoming significant obstacles.
My father used to say, “If money can solve your problems, then you don’t have a problem.” Most of the challenges I’ve faced in life have been business and financial. While money problems can be annoying and cause sleepless nights, the wisdom in my father’s words lies in the truth that the most significant problems we face are those involving health and relationships.
With that in mind, I want to introduce you to my good friend Mike Shaw. Mike is an amazing person with a remarkable story, and is someone that I’ve come to admire and respect as we’ve adventured together over the past few years.
So, what’s so remarkable? He is technically a quadriplegic, yet he just completed his first marathon!(pictured above) Here is his story of how his challenges have helped forge his character:
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The Backstory
On December 16, 2013, my life took an unexpected turn. I dislocated my neck in a tragic skiing accident, rendering me paralyzed from the neck down and hanging on for dear life. As the head coach of the Canadian Olympic Development HalfPipe Ski Team, my world came crashing down.
Remaining eerily conscious, I knew how bad it was. There I was, lying face-down in the snow, barely breathing, unable to move, unable to bounce back to my feet like I’d done countless times before. Every hope and dream for my future was instantly ripped away.
Later, doctors would tell me I was only breathing with about 60% of my lung capacity and to “prepare yourself because you will probably never walk again. In fact, you will be lucky to get back the use of your arms.”
Those were difficult words to hear, but I had a choice at that moment. I could accept my prognosis or challenge it.
I couldn’t stop the words that came out of my mouth: “How do you know! Why are you telling me that?”
The spinal specialist gave me their evidence and judgment—my imaging scans “looked bad.” My surgeon agreed, “Mike, it really doesn’t look good.”
To which I said, “OK, but how do I know if you’re right?”
These were pivotal words because by challenging their prognosis, I left the door of opportunity open (even if just a crack) so that I might walk again one day—maybe even ski. I would deal with the fallout if they were, in fact, right, but at that moment, I chose to put all my focus and effort into healing, and as they say, where your focus goes, energy flows.
I poured everything I had into my recovery. With a lot of luck (the reality is, most people don’t get better from an SCI) and A LOT of work, I started to recover. I had a miraculous chance to heal, so I gave it everything.
I walked out of the hospital after just three and a half months. After one year, I stepped back into a pair of skis. As time went on, I climbed mountains, took on the steepest running race in the world (the Red Bull 400), ran the Wings for Life World Run year after year, started multiple businesses, shared my story from the stage in front of thousands all over the world, conquered significant backcountry skiing objectives, and even ran a marathon—milestones that are difficult for most people to accomplish, let alone most quadriplegics.
I have not taken my second chance at life with a mostly-able body for granted.
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So how did I do it?
Well, I consider myself lucky and hold this inherent appreciation for life close to my heart. I am grateful every day, and gratitude has become my superpower. I’m aware of my good fortune, but luck occurs when preparation and opportunity meet.
As a freestyle skier, I have picked myself up countless times to return to the top of the mountain. I developed significant resilience in the process, but that doesn’t make me unique. We all pick ourselves up when we get knocked down, even when the adversity we face is life or death.
What can we all learn from near-death experiences?
My near-death experience gifted me a perspective of profound gratitude. I have been given a second chance at life with an able body. I still have symptoms of my spinal cord injury, including limited feeling in my hands and legs, dexterity issues, and compromised balance and coordination. My body isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I’m lucky to have the abilities I do, so I choose to make the absolute most of them.
Fortunately, you don’t need to experience a traumatic accident to cultivate this perspective. Near-death experiences come in many different forms. Defined as, near-to-death experiences, it takes on new meaning. Any time we lose a loved one or have proximity to death, we face the stark and challenging realization of the fragility of life.
Losing loved ones is devastating, but there are gifts that reveal themselves over time. When faced with death, it indirectly makes us consider our demise. And while thinking about your own death sounds morbid, it is a vital perspective to help you experience a fulfilling life.
Let’s use birthdays as a metaphor to help understand the significance of appreciating life and death.
Why did people start celebrating birthdays?
While the exact origin of the birthday party isn’t 100% clear, people have been celebrating birthdays for a long time. Ancient civilizations first celebrated the birthdays of saints, gods, and deities. Eventually, celebrating the lives of clergy members, royalty, nobility, and ordinary people became commonplace. It was a trickle-down effect. That said, I believe people also started celebrating birthdays because they weren't guaranteed their next one. If you made another trip around the sun, you would have been lucky, and it would have been worth celebrating!
Before the advent of modern medicine, people were plausibly more in touch with their mortality. The average life expectancy at birth in medieval England was only 31.3 years old. If you survived to age 25, you would likely live until age 50 (DeWitte, n.d.). Still, you could be confident you'd reach your demise sooner than in modern times. Today, the average life expectancy in Canada is 82 years old! (Statistics Canada, 2015)
You should celebrate your birthdays because you're not guaranteed your next one.
While this might seem morbid, it's a vital vantage point for life. The thing that's certain for all of us is that we will all die. It's a universal truth; we've got a one-way ticket. According to existential theory, religious beliefs about the afterlife were developed to help cope with the anxiety associated with the certainty of death.
How is appreciating death vital for living a fulfilling life?
Anticipating and appreciating your death is a healthy perspective. Sure, we don't want to die today, tomorrow, this week, next week, next month, or next year—not anytime soon. However, appreciating that we will all perish and not knowing when that day will come supports a perspective of gratitude for the present moment.
You can live a more fulfilling life if you consider death.
I hope I get the luxury of growing old in good health. If I get the privilege, I hope to have time to reflect on my life. In those moments of reflection, I wish to look back, knowing that I lived meaningfully. I hope I will feel comfortable accepting death because I lived fully, appreciating the gift of life and making the most of it.
When birthdays come around, it's an opportune time for reflection. But imagine that we didn't just hold this appreciation on our birthdays. Imagine you had the reverence to live with profound gratitude for life on a daily basis. Would you change anything? Would you shift your perspective in a way that gives you an appreciation for everyday experiences and opportunities, causing you to live more fully in the moment?
Considering mortality helps us prioritize what truly matters. It encourages us to make the most of the present moment with clarity of values, gratitude, and appreciation, prioritizing relationships and pursuing our dreams. This awareness helps us overcome fears and take risks we might otherwise avoid.
You might ask yourself, “If I don’t do this, will I regret it later?” You can apply this logic to decisions about starting a business, philanthropy and charitable work, experiences with your family, contributions to your community, learning a new sport, or other “leaps of faith” that move you to the edge of your comfort zone.
How did I celebrate my last birthday? By jumping from 10,000 feet.
Skydiving is a sensory experience that fully engulfs you in the moment. The world could be in Armageddon around you, but the only thing that matters is the freefall and flight under your parachute’s canopy. It’s a symbolic leap of faith. Embracing life's uncertainty helps us embark on transformative experiences that lead to personal growth and fulfillment.
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Living Life to the Fullest
Appreciating your mortality profoundly impacts how you live your life and contributes to greater fulfillment. It may initially seem morbid, but it is a vital perspective that is a powerful motivator for living a more meaningful and satisfying existence. I strongly recommend you try skydiving, celebrate your birthdays, and relish the gift of growing old.
One of the ways I celebrate life now is by sharing my story from the stage. I still get nervous and often have to try and get my butterflies to fly in formation. However, by embracing this challenge, there’s no other place I feel more alive. Whether it’s supporting corporations or community organizations, sharing a message of courage, resilience, and gratitude gives me immense fulfillment. I don’t take my life for granted and hope to share this message with others so that they too can live with more meaning, purpose, and appreciation.
With gratitude,
Mike Shaw
@mikeshawski
#gratefuleveryday
References:
DeWitte, S. (n.d.). Old age isn’t a modern phenomenon – many people lived long enough to grow old in the olden days, too. University of South Carolina. https://sc.edu/
Government of Canada, Statistics Canada. (2015, December 17). Life expectancy at various ages, by population group and sex, Canada. https://www150.
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Brad Pedersen
Vijay Krishnan
