(dis)integrity: not a real word but definitely a real thing

Written by: Vijay Krishnan

I haven’t stolen pens from the office or charged a meal with a friend to my corporate card, does that mean I have integrity in my work?

When I told that guy off I was just saying what I mean and meaning what I say - doesn’t that mean I have integrity in my relationships?

If I openly share my thoughts about my in-laws with my spouse, does that mean I have integrity in my marriage?

Ethics, follow-through and transparency are all good and necessary. But that is not the sum-total of what Integrity really means.

In our last issue (read it here if you missed it), we talked about the fact that we can have a dis-integrated approach to life by thinking and acting as if the various buckets of our lives (work, money, family, leisure) are all separate from each other. 

In my own experience, disintegration can often result in unexplained sadness, persistent complaints from my spouse, a lack of connection in my relationships, daily fatigue (even after a restful vacation) and an addiction to busyness.

Integrity, then, is in seeing our lives holistically, and understanding that to truly thrive, we need to invest intentionally in each of the buckets; we need to not settle for being satisfied with fullness in one or two areas if the others are empty or sparse. We should allow the symptoms of disintegration to cause us to become introspective, looking more honestly and critically at each area of our lives.

One of the major challenges to having a fully integrated life is that we lack role models or heroes who can set the pace or light the way for us. Think about it. While it might be easy to identify a hero or rockstar business leader whose successes and lifestyle you admire, we may have to honestly admit that the same person’s interpersonal relationships or physical/mental health status might be less admirable. 

This is often compounded by the fact that in our closest relationships, “like attracts like”; i.e. many of the people we end up spending time with tend to have similar strengths and weaknesses as us. We often use this to reinforce our own world views and as a result we find it hard to see anyone who is truly further down the road of an integrated life than we are. This can lead to the assumption that it isn’t even possible to thrive in every area of life, or that if it is something we are striving for, that we are completely alone on the journey.

Here’s the good news: You are not alone. This is a topic we are deeply passionate about and knowing that it influences our thinking, should be an encouragement to you. By reading this newsletter, you are already identifying yourself as someone who is curious as to what it takes to be exceptional in all areas of life. 

What if you began looking for pace-setters; people whose lives have produced something truly admirable, abundant, healthy and balanced.

What if at the next conference or networking event you spent less time looking for and making small-talk with people who have amassed money and possessions and instead looked for people who: 

• Have very little ego and good self awareness (hint: they are the question-askers not the statement-makers)
• Have a primary relationship and home life that you admire
• Have an overall sense of peace and contentment, who create a non-anxious presence

These people exist, however if their ego is in check they have a high degree of humility. You likely will not find them amongst the frenzy on your social media channels and as such will need to be sought out. A truly integrated life is not one we can achieve by ourselves. We need help, and sagely advice from small “h” heroes that we can look up too. 

As you reflect on the three bullet points above, is there anyone that immediately comes to mind? If so, send them a text or a DM on social media. You could even forward this post and say that it reminded you of them. Consider asking them for a coffee connect or to share a resource that’s helped them in this journey.

Brad Pedersen

Vijay Krishnan

Andre Oliveira

P.S. If you found this helpful or thought-provoking, please consider leaving a comment or reaching out directly. Likewise if you have a resource or leader that you would recommend for further learning in this area, by all means share it!