“But I didn’t ask for this!”
Written by Vijay Krishnan
Me: What do you mean? I’m fired?
Him: No no, just let go. The owners want to go in a different direction. Chin up. You’ll land on your feet.
3 months after leaving a very stable job for a new opportunity, I found myself driving home from said opportunity, in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon, to tell my pregnant wife who was packing us to move into our first home, that I had lost my job.
I was shell-shocked. Didn’t see it coming. Now what?
It’s one thing to ask ourselves how best to “steward” (care for, leverage, maximize) the resources, opportunities, relationships, time and talent that we have been gifted with or earned. However, what about all the nasty stuff we never asked for? Pain, suffering, tragedy, disappointment or failure; a difficult relationship, a potentially life-altering diagnosis, a significant and unexpected loss, a loudly-shut door.
Most of us pray that it will just go away. We resist it, avoid it, resent it or begrudge it. Fair enough. We’re not masochists.
But if we’re not careful, in these seasons, it’s easy for bitterness, anger, escapism or victimhood to become our default response. These instinctive reactions are understandable and natural, however they are not optimal. Ultimately, left unchecked, they will do more damage to ourselves and the people around us.
What if instead we saw those circumstances, situations and people as things to be stewarded as well. We didn’t ask for it, but we’re in it. We can’t change it or get rid of it quickly but we do have the power to choose how we respond.
In my own experiences and in walking with hundreds of others in my role as a Pastor, I have witnessed over and over again the power of choosing to steward the things we didn’t ask for or want.
When an individual chooses to let a crisis or calamity shape them instead of break them, the results are transformative.
When someone learns to go through something hard, without becoming someone hard, the results are powerful.
When someone focuses on becoming someone rather than blaming someone, the results are life changing.
Let me be clear. I’m not advocating for an oversimplified or glib view of pain and suffering. I’m not saying “everything happens for a reason” or that somehow we’re meant to see pain as a good thing. But I have seen what happens when someone chooses to accept and leverage a difficult and undesirable thing, determining not to let the experience be wasted. They view the challenges as an opportunity to refine and not to define their character.
Three of the best ways I know to help myself make this important choice, when I’m facing a difficult circumstance that I didn’t choose are:
- To look back on a past experience in my story; one that if I was given the pen to write the chapters of my life, I would have excluded. With time and reflection I am now thankful and can see something really good or important that happened as a result.
- To read or listen to biographies of other people who have become someone beautiful, productive and influential (chances are, their stories are full of hardship and loss). NOTE: Not just biographies of ‘successful’ people in your industry or in one adjacent, but rather a diverse cross section of notable influencers including:
a. Civil rights activist John M. Perkins (Let Justice Roll Down)
b. Comedian Trevor Noah (Born a Crime)
c. Mother Teresa
d. Abraham Lincoln
3. To participate in a peer to peer forum that has built trust through candor and transparency and where in sharing it becomes clear that everyone is suffering at some level.
Reflecting on these stories - from my life and the lives of others - lifts my head above my current circumstance, and gives me a vision of what I could gain from something I would never choose.
To steward something I didn’t ask for is to decide that however long the season lasts, I will choose to emerge from it better and not bitter. In fact, I see it as a gift and as an opportunity to develop and refine my character to better serve me in the future; to be more patient, to be more wise and become more resilient.
Brad Pedersen
Vijay Krishnan
Andre Oliveira
